No general direction this morning, just things that pop up in my thoughts, stay for a bit and are gone. Hope you all enjoy
Tis a charmed life I live. "Fool!! You're dying of cancer! WTF do you mean charmed?". Well, it's true. It's not often one gets a lead in to the end of their life. Most times it's BOOM, you're gone. For better or worse I've been given some extra time. That has given me the opportunity to get out and get my final arrangements made at the local funeral home, with an attorney, what financials I have, and some peripheral things that mean something to me, but maybe not anyone else. It's given me the chance to look back and reflect and see if I'm happy with the way I've lived my life. Damn straight, Skippy I am. I've no regrets, I wouldn't do anything different. If you're honest with yourself you can't change anything. All the things you've done in the past are what made you who you are now. To change any one thing throws the entire equation off. "The Uncertainty Principle" is held up here, Heisenberg would be proud I think. I'm finding I seem to have impacted a lot of people's lives, and for the most part it was for the better. I'm pleasantly surprised. When they've talked to me about that, I don't remember trying to be anything other than a buddy, shoulder, or ear. Never occurred to me, because of the way I liked to play, that I was being a mentor or anything even close to that. I thought I was just being me. I think I'm better off not knowing then, what I know now. I may have started trying and that would have spoiled it I think. I made a lot of long term friends. Even when we haven't spoken for years, we pick up right where we left off, just like it was yesterday. How cool is that, right? I've had more fun than a mortal should be allowed. That's something I intend to keep up long after I've shed these mortal coils.
I tell people I've done things on my terms. Sometimes that's been costly professionally and personally. You can't run off at the head to your bosses and not expect something to happen down the line. I thought at the time I was doing it to be independent. WRONG!!! I was doing that kind of foolishness to prove that I was right and my boss was wrong. I learned over the years that it doesn't matter if the boss is right or not, he's the boss. They don't like being told "See? I told ya so" any more than I do. So I changed, I did things on MY terms. Sure, I still knew if they were gonna foul up, but I did what they asked, exactly as they asked. So, if I was right and they weren't, I could call and say "I need you to come check my work, something isn't right. Could you come see if I did this like you asked?". Oh yeah, manipulative for certain. My terms set them up to have to say, "I was wrong" without losing face. It also gave me the chance to show them I knew what I was doing. That was the break over point. I got more "Fix this" than "Here's what you're going to do". They also knew that I was going to call if I wasn't sure about something. My way, their way, or indifferent, if it wasn't working, I wasn't afraid to ask for help.
My terms include a pretty piss poor filter on what I say, to an extent. I try not to be hurtful. Sometimes I'm certain that I am, and I don't intend for it to be that way at all. I've learned to be a bit more diplomatic in some circles. Other places, if you screw the pooch, for certain I'm gonna tell you. Then we can get together and work out a proper fix to the problem. The piss poor filter is also a way for me to get frustration off my chest. It's been said that if you don't want to know, don't ask Rock. Probably true, but I've tempered that somewhat in the sense that I use it to be more productive other than just to say "Christ, you're an idiot. How is it you're using my oxygen?".
I swear. A lot. Colorfully pasted together words and phrases are my specialty. Is it because I'm too stupid to put together a decent sentence? No, that's not it at all. Sometimes when "Would you please move your carts so my daughter and I can pass?" doesn't work after three tries, "Move your worthless blabbering fat fucking asses" often does the first time. Has that caused a confrontation or twelve? Yes, but I will treat rude behavior with like. You'll get from me exactly what you put forward. Respect and polite gets that right back. Rude and ugly? Well, you'll think rude and ugly by the time we are finished.
Is that proper behavior in a Politically Correct world? Hell no it's not, but it's being honest.
I've had a couple of people tell me that by being so open and honest that it's given them the courage to go get check ups they've been putting off. One of them, Shannon Waite, had cancer discovered in one breast. After hearing all the options, with pro's and cons of each option, she's voted for a mastectomy.
That's courage to me. We talk a lot about cancer and it's short falls. Other than death, geez. But it has pluses as well. To me anyway it does. It can bring out strength and mental stamina you may not have known you had. It's a test of personal will and determination. It's either going to make or break you. Caught early most cancer has a chance of being beaten, that doesn't mean it's going to be an easy road to follow. It just means you're chances of living and it not coming back are pretty good. Shannon knows all this and is choosing the road that is best for her. I'm proud of her, she's going at it with humor and toughness. Got to love a woman like that.
I love women. They smell better than men for starters. They are a tough lot, with a tender all over outside. They are fun for me to be around. I don't understand jack shit about them though, but I love them. Let's preface that with this : I love strong willed, intelligent women. I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for giggly, dumb broads. What a bore. I married a smart, strong woman almost 21 years ago. Haven't regretted a second of that. She's made me a better man along the way. My daughters are smart and strong women. Love them to pieces. Looking back, I don't think I ever hung around women that weren't. I've thought about why that is and it boils down to this. They really didn't need me for much other than to pick up heavy shit. And in the case of my Highland Games woman friends, they don't need me for that even. That means they let me hang around because they like me, not that they need me for anything other than a good innuendo laden conversation. I hope that while they are strong and smart, they also know there isn't anything I wouldn't do to keep them safe if it's within my power. Women are not to be placed on pedestals and worshipped, they're there to be a partner in your life. That means you defend them as best you can, for as long as you can. I do surely love women.
I've gotten to do a lot of neat things. There's a ton of neat things I'd love to go do, but I don't really have a bucket list. Life is a bucket list. I've tried, and for the most part have done, any damn thing I've wanted. That's why this blog is enjoyable to me. I like the writing. I like being open with friends, family, and people that have been reading this.
Trying to keep people informed is a good thing. Knowledge is power. With it it becomes more and more difficult to be a victim of anything. That applies to everyone. I'm not a victim of cancer, no way in hell, no how. I have it, but I've not let it make me a victim. Baxter is going to get my body eventually, barring a miracle. Baxter can have it. The stupid bastard has caused it to be cut on like a bad slab of beef. What cancer doesn't understand is that it can kill my body and it dies too. It never wins as long as I can think, feel and fight back. My mind and spirit stay intact, cancer's ass belongs to me, and in the end it dies with my body. Just not with me.
"Ramble on" HA!
